In my search for all those things I can barely articulate, I’ve discovered that I’m awfully fickle. (That’s actually a pretty accurate for my personality in general, unfortunately).
I would love to just be happy with my life as it is, counting the blessing that I have, trusting in a plan for it all. But I’m far too much of an over-planning, control freak who hates surprises. I check, double-check, and second guess, never quite trusting other people and things at face value.
I just finished reading Eat Pray Love in search of inspiration. Author Elizabeth Gilbert suffered an intense, life-changing depression when she realized she was miserable in her marriage. When her painful, messy divorce was over, she decided to travel the world in search of three things: pleasure, spirituality, and balance of both.
I completely empathized with her search (without, of course, the depression and divorce part). When I read books that are in some way prescriptive or with a valuable message, theme, etc., I always read with a pen in hand. Reading Eat Pray Love, I kept notes in the notebook where I keep all of my random thoughts, as the book was not my own.
Here are some of the thoughts that were especially poignant while and after reading:
“Keep your feet grounded so firmly on the earth that it’s like you have four legs, instead of two. But stop looking at the world through your head. You must look through your heart instead. That way you will know God.”
Just as easy as that, eh? Ground feet and look at the world through my heart. Got it. I really struggle with these sorts of ideas. I can’t even imagine how to make those things happen. I can be grounded in the sense that I don’t try to dream too big or get my hopes up too high or forget what’s really important in life. But the looking with my heart thing. That’s what really gets me. It’s hard for me to not look at the world with my head. I mean, what does it actually mean to look at the world with your heart? I can’t even wrap my head around the idea. Wow. See what I did there? Using my head too much. I guess that’s my issue, but I don’t know how to fix it.
“If you clear out all that space in your mind obsessed with this guy, there will be a vacuum and God will rush in and fill you with more love than you ever dreamed.”
I think this one was dropped in the book just for me. As soon as I read it, I was a little embarrassed and looked around to make sure no one was waiting to ‘punk’ me or something. I admit it: I might get a little too hung up on boys whenever I’ve got them in my life. I’m sure this quote would apply to anything that consumes more of our attention than necessary, especially things in our past holding us back. The point here is to stay focused on the right things, or at the very least, stay unfocused on the wrong ones.
Yeah. I’m not awesome at this one either. I always have about 40 things going on in my head. It’s a good thing I don’t write in stream-of-consciousness because my tangential thought processes are unbelievable. (Even I get frustrated with them sometimes and they’re my own thoughts…)
Can other people really just decide to stop thinking about something? Do people just decide to get over a broken heart? Or grief of losing a loved one? Sometimes I can distract myself and stop certain thoughts temporarily, but I can’t just push things out. I don’t know if I’ve ever had a vacuum in my mind.
“If I want transformation but can’t be bothered to articulate what I’m aiming for, how will it ever occur?”
The gist here is (in context of the book, etc.): Prayer is clearly posed and well-considered thoughts. Now this one I can do. If there is one thing I can do (90% of the time), it’s prepare articulate thoughts before I speak. As you’ve probably guessed, I plan ahead. A lot. I like to be prepared. And this makes sense to me. The first step toward change is understanding that you need to change, and once you know what you need to change, you need to know what you want to change to. I’ve learned thus far in my growing up that change doesn’t just happen to you. Change requires some kind of action—or inaction, depending on the situation. Choice is required. So, we must look inward at ourselves, decide what and how we want change to happen, and thoughtfully pray about it.
“In a world of disorder and disaster and fraud, sometimes only beauty can be trusted. Only artistic excellence is incorruptible. Pleasure cannot be bargained down.”
I just thought this was beautiful, and I thought I would end this post on a positive note. In your world of disorder (perhaps when you struggle with things like the ones above), search for beauty and artistic excellence when you’re in need of an incorruptible truth.